J.M. "Mucho Suave" (So Very Smooth)

He makes love to the music with: guitar, mandolin, bass, vocals

Email: JM Roe

JM's advice on how to be a Casanova

My motto has always been, “Clothes Make the Casanova.” Wear something sexy. Something delectably spicy. What sweet lady can resist a prospective gentleman lover who dons a mango-colored silken blouse and … wait, what’s this? … the gentleman somehow has forgotten to button the top four or five buttons? Oh, muy delicioso. Aye, lady lover, feast thine eyes upon my black chest carpet, spilling forth from my camisa not unlike a small woodland creature, his dark, bushy tail flittering to and fro as he burrows into a fallen tree, building a love nest for his own sweet lady creature. It’s quite true that Chest Mane al Fresco is a dish that few ladies dare resist.

Pants — should you feel the need to wear them at all — must be scintillatingly tight. Your legs must be like tasty sausages, ready to burst from their ripe sausage skins. Considering a pair of leather pants? Please don’t let ME stop you. (Hint: For a less expensive yet slightly sweatier alternative, try Pleather.) Jeans are a superb choice as well, but try a pair with rivets on every seem, and make sure the bell-bottom flair is large enough to completely shelter a car tire.

Shoes, they represent the … how do you say … sweet cherry atop the chocolat sundae of wardrobe? Your selection of footwear very well could be the difference between a warm embrace with a mysterious lady on the dance floor (good) and that same lady demanding that you, “Please stop staring at me like that, sir” (not so good).

In a word, you cannot go wrong as long as your shoes pass the “Black Plum Test.” Put on your shoes and have a trusted compadre roll the sweet, ripened fruit under the crux between your heel and the floor. If your heel is tall enough to allow the plum to pass with ease, prepare yourself for an evening of the tango, which — as you well know, my friend — requires two.

JM's gear:

• 1999 Fender Stratocaster Lone Star
• 1986 Fender Stratocaster Squire
• 1997 Martin D10 Acoustic Guitar
• Fender Music Man head (pre CBS model)
• Peavy guitar cabinet
• POD Amp simulator (usually set on Twin Reverb simulator) and effects processor
• Ovation MCS148 Mandolin
• 1992 Fender Precision Bass (1965 reissue)
• Dietz bass cabinet
• Roland D50 Digital Synthesizer
• Roland Digital Piano
• Capolloni 128-key Accordion (year unknown)
• Cheap unnamed accordion picked up in Mexico in 1999 (which is the one I usually use